The Los Angeles Clippers suck. Their constant sucking is so bad it's become tautologous. It is just despicable. After being called a dog by T.J. Simers of the Los Angeles Times, Baron Davis is barking back.
"Are you seriously blaming me for how bad the Clips are doing? Just look at the team. I am not dogging anything. My heart and soul is with this team. I'm making $65 million in the next 5 years because I believe in this team. I believed in Golden State. Now I believe in Los Angeles. Excuse me for a moment while I represent LA..."
(Baron Davis turns around to throw the first pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers.)
"Boom Dizzle can not win a championship on his own. It's not my fault Elton Brand, my former friend, ditched LA. It's not my fault Marcus Camby's a tree stump. It's not my fault Al Thornton plays like shit. It's not my fault Chris Kaman looks like the Geico caveman. It's not my fault the Clippers suck. I'll only take the blame if you believe that I'm worse than the Sam Cassell/Shaun Livingston days. Dahhh, I need a potty break!"
(B-Diddy takes a break from his potty break to enjoy a Lakers game with Adam Sandler to go over a new movie script.)
"I came back home to South Central to lead the Clips to an NBA championship, man. I'm here to show the kids we can dream big. Hollywood's great and all, but it's all about the game of basketball for me. Nothing else. Those Lakers nachos are killing me, potty break #2?"
(Baron calls up old high school buddy Kate Hudson to grab another quick bite.)
"Everyone keeps talking about Baron this, Baron that. Get off my balls! Everyone hangs out with their friends. Don't blame me for hanging out with my friends. Don't blame me if they're celebrities. Don't blame me if they got connections to the film industry. Why am I the bad guy here? Jesus Christ, I need to vent. I'll be right back."
(Baron does a quick interview alongside Jessica Alba and Cash Warren for his new documentary, Crips and Bloods: Made in America.)
"I wasn't traded at the deadline, thank God, but if I was, I would've appreciated any other team out there. Houston, Dallas, Golden State, Los Angeles, it's all the same. Any day, any night, if I'm not bothered by this injury or that injury, I go out there on the court and give my full half focus for the whole half of the game. Now if you would wait a couple hours, Steve Nash is coming in town so I have to show him around, since you know, he's Canadian, and we're in California."
(B-Diddy and Stevie Nash takes a long bike ride from the Santa Monica pier down past Newport Beach to hang out at Kobe's place.)
"Like I said before, the Clippers need a team effort, I can't do everything alone. I feel like I'm contributing my $65 million every night. Others, I can not say, but I definitely don't tolerate a bunch of big name, big contract players who's out wandering the wonderful streets of Hollywood investing their time and money on their movie producing career. When I'm not dishing assists on the court, I'm out helping the community. Look, I even took a part-time gig at the local McDonald's."
At that point, Mr. Baron Davis was exhausted from the interview and the mini errands he had to run in between, so he called it quits. He ended the night at the local five star hotel to "relax" a bit, where he showed his true self, as described by what is left of the Delinda Lombardo story.
No wonder this is how Los Angeles fans think of Baron Davis:
Don't you wish you were still a Golden State Warrior, Boom Dizzle?
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